Wednesday, March 17, 2010


People of Los Angeles: when telling friends you cannot catch up with them at a certain point during your week due to other arrangements, let me make one thing clear:

You're not BOOKED.

You have plans. That is different to being hired for a professional engagement. If I am friends with a wedding singer, or a massage therapist, or a caterer, or even the goddamn President for pete's sake, then I will understand if they tell me they cannot meet for coffee or drinks because they are 'booked'. Otherwise, let's all start talking again like human beings, take off those freaking Bluetooths (or Blueteeth for my english teacher in high school) and start the journey back to being normal, functional people.

Which brings me to the next commandment for the day:


Don't give me that twenty minute slot first thing in the morning or between drinks with your 'manager' and dinner with your 'publicist'. I've had it with people building a shrine to their Blackberries, all the while saying how 'busy' they are and wondering 'how they lived without an IPhone all those years!'.

There's only one person I can think of who may truly not be able to live without an IPhone.

And that's God. And if I had to bet, I'd say she still uses a filofax. Because God, my friends, if she's even up there, is Old School. No, no that inane two-minute SNL sketch that was turned into a piece of celluloid offal with Will Ferrell. I mean the genuine article. God, if that's even her real name, likes libraries. And vinyl. And movies from the 70s.

And making time to see her friends in ways that don't resemble pitch meetings.

You're really not that busy, people. Ever notice how rare it is to go to the cinema and not have some clown talking like they're in their apartment, or another humanoid flip open (oh wait- flip-phones are so, like, 03) his cell so he can text some profound thought to his buddy?

We have become so enamoured of our own business, popularity and packed schedules that we've lost the knack of being silent. Of being people, without the need for accomplishment and the attainment and advertisement of our possessions.

I guess that's it, for those of you who stayed for the end.

Before I forget... a disclaimer concerning God: although she does spurn all things modern that do not advance humankind, she absolutely loves my blog. Spread the word.


  1. Cool mate, you're back in town. So how about that coffee? Or are you too busy writing blogs?