ODDS & ENDS

Victoria is talking loudly on her cell phone. She's very excited, having gotten a spunky new haircut so I'll cut her a break.

We got through the first two episodes of The Office last night. The real one. With my new hero Ricky Gervais. It's frighteningly easy to forget that without the original, Steve Carell's wouldn't even exist. Having said that, NBC's 'cover' is a funny, entertaining show. I love Carell but he still has that little bit of SNL shtick in his acting that lets us all know he's playing at it. Gervais, on the other hand, is just an out-and-out dick. The original also pushes the limit in ways the prime-time, American version could never do with its more conservative audience (or, maybe it could but it won't). The second episode featured a new sexy secretary who was treated like a soaking hot piece of fresh meat at the staff introduction. It was what Gervais does best: politically incorrect cringe central. There was also a scene with one of his character's few non-white employees that made me howl and would also never have survived the first draft in the US show.

Which brings me to: The Invention Of Lying, Gervais' first crack at a Hollywood movie.

This piece of celluloid offal can only be well described using a word my brother Ben and I invented: Trubbish.

Jennifer Garner is delightful and helpless. Gervais is himself and completely out of place in the utopian New England small town setting. The premise may have seemed promising at the first pitch meeting: what if no one knew how to lie or had even heard of the concept and one day a down-and-out loser figures it out?

Victoria and I are convinced that Gervais was given the green light based on the premise and told he had a month to write it. Or maybe a week. The film is ridiculous and has absolutely no inner logic. There are scenes involving deep pathos that are pathetically out of tune with the rest of the film, although Gervais does shine in those moments.

Trubbish. With a capital 'tr'.

Pizza just arrived. Half pepperoni, half plain. If I had my way I would have ordered it easy cheese, but the Queen doesn't like that. Such a shame. No wonder she's getting enormous. Fat Americans are one thing but obese Austrians? A tragedy.

Fox News has just decided that global warming is without doubt a hoax, due to all the snow right now down the Atlantic Coast. Makes sense.

Victoria. Time to get off the phone. The pizza is getting cold. This is how World War I started. A french guy ordered a pizza, his German wife wouldn't get off her cellphone (work with me) and he threw her out. She walked all the way back to Germany, told the Kaiser what happened, he cried 'schweinhundt!' and sent in the army. Six million corpses later and some people still don't understand - forget global warming. How about pizza cooling?